Making Some Changes...

It has been a while after I posted my last blog. I have been busy from the end of June until now. I was supposed to take a 2-months vacation from my work, but I finally decided to sign up to teach two summer school course and one extra course for a corporate training for the extension education center for my school. So, you might be able to tell that I might have been busy, then.

I am currently making some changes of my life. I just moved to a new apartment, which is closer to my workplace and I also moved to a nicer office (comparing than the one I stayed in before) and tried to expeirence the life of being a full-time student.

What do I mean by those changes? The new apartment is nicer and cheaper in rent. I love it though. Although my room is a lot of smaller than the one before, I can have a kitchen and two other roommates (one is my colleague and the other is a younger girl) and enjoy cooking again. I love cooking and I can spend a whole day sometimes to think about what I want to cook and watch the cooking channels or cooking TV programs.

Another change I have made is moving to a new office. I used to stay in a bigger office, which is also the main office for the department but I didn't like it there because of noise and some other distractions. Sometimes, a group of the studenst would step in and started asking me weird questions. The students sometimes asked me to lend them taps, pencils, paper or some other stuff. They even sometiems asked to help them check out some equipment like computers, CD players and wanted me to help me open a door to ceratin language lab. All the distractions and noise sometimes made me go nuts. I am happy now because I am far away from the noise and distractions now. Hooray!!!

One more change I am making now is to study hard and be a full-time student. I am not really taking any course exactly but I spend time studying for my GRE exam which is coming at the end of September and the middle of October. I don't know how exactly I will do on the exam but lots of people are praying for me and I am praying for myself and hopefully and I will be all right. I also study a lot and do lots of practice exams and memorize a bunch of words which I guess I will never use them again. Pray for me for this coming GRE exam!

New Changes in Life

Time really flies ever since I moved back to Taiwan and it has been over a year now. I don't really count the days but it shocks and amazes me somehow to see how much has changed within this past year.

This past year, I had been praying that God could help me restore the relationship between me and my family, especially between me and my dad. Beleive or not God answered my prayers in a mariculous way. Two months ago, I went back to visit my family in Nantou (a county in central Taiwan) and I had a chat with my sister and we came across with this conversation:

Sister: You know, the other day, the woman called again and asked dad to give her some money again but this time dad refused to do so.

Me: What do you mean? We all had tried so many times to talk to dad but he is still the same.

Sister: No, you are wrong this time. Dad said that he finally realized how hurtful it is to keep doing the things that hurt the family. He said he doesn't wanna see the woman anymore.

Me: Really? I hope he really means it this time.

If you are reading my blog, you might not quite get it why I put this short conversation here. That's all right because you don't have to know all the ins and outs. Just have faith in God-- that's all you have to do.

This short conversation with my sister really changes me and helps me realize that God has answered my little prayers in a wonderful way, in a way that I could ever imagine. I can't help to wonder that the God is really the wonderful one and He is so true.

There are so other changes in my life. I don't have enought time to name them all but this great change between me and my dad really make my faith grow deeper in God.

A chat with a friend

On Wednesdays, I only have to teach two hours in the morning and I sometimes stay at school and prepare my teaching lessons for the next couple of days, but I also leave my MSN or Yahoo mesengers on so that I might chat with some friends.

I chatted with a friend of mine today for a long time on our messenger talks. We had a good conversation going back and forth and I really enjoyed talking to that friend and so did she. In our conversation, she tried so hard to encourage and comfort me because she knew that I just had broke up with my boyfriend and she wanted to make sure that I am all right and I am not too sad. Be honest, I sometimes am sad but I am hanging in there and seeking a way out and seeking some helps. I know I have to help myself stand up again so that I can help others. Being sad can't make me feel better and I need to do something and get myself a way out.

In our conversation, she asked me why I can recover so fast and not feel so down and depressed. I told her that I can do that because of my belief in God. I am very happy that I could have been feeling miserable for a long, long time if I hadn't had faith that God will carry me through this time of despair. I might sometimes not feel God's touch and comfort but I know He is always there and I need to have faith to believe in that.

I told my friend in our little chatting window screen, I said, "Faith is a confidence in believing God's plans and provisions and in seeking that God will fulfill everything that he has promised." The response I got from her is that she wonders why I have such strong faith and she told me that she used to be a Christian before but she is a Buddhist now. I told her that I don't have a strong faith but I have a little faith and I've been praying every day and asks God to grand me a bigger faith so that I can hold on to everything He has promised.

My friend brought up an interesting issue--she used to be a Christian but she is a Buddhist now. She gave up her faith just because she cannot feel God's presence. She knows deeply in her heart and she cannot serve two masters but she doesn't know why God seems so far away from her when she prays. She said, 'praying is like talking in the air, there is nothing there that you can see." In response to what she said, I said you need to have more faith in believing what you cannot see and that's what faith is all about.

Faith is believing that there is something that has been promised and it will come in the right time. It's not the problem of when it will come and what it should look like but it's the matter of whether we are ready for that and if we can have that. In the Bible, it clears states that we should be ready anytime because it may come anytime unannounced. And, that's faith and being patiently in waiting something that had been promised.

I don't really have such a great faith as she described but I merely have a little faith and patiently seek out the ways of God. I had lost my faith because I did not in God and I felt that God had forsaken me and he never wanted me to be close to him anymore. I found out that I was wrong and I had proved myself wrong.

In fact, I gave up God but God never forsook me. In the Bible, especially in Psalms, David says: (Psalm 22:1-5)

"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me so far from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry out by day, but you do no answer, by night, and am not silent. Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One; you are the the praise of Israel. In you our fathers put their trust; they trusted and you delivered them. They cried to you and were saved; in you they trusted and were not disappointed."

I guess I really would like to tell her those verses above and let her know that everyone does feel there is time when God seems so, so far away. Yet, if we can hang on to it long enough as David desribes in this psalm, we will not be disappointed, but be saved. I think what I feel now.

In the time, when I just ended my last relationship, I felt that it was the end of the world and there was nothing more for me to linger around on this earth. I was so down and depressed because I believed that I had lost everything. But I am glad that I prayed that night and I found God was there with me trully again and his angels protected me and whispered into my ears saying, "You are my beloved, in you, I find the mercy and love that you give to other people you care and love."


"In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence." (Ephesians 3:12)

Restoring the Soul

First of all, I wanna say why I named this post 'restoring the soul' because I am reading the book of Psalms and when I read Psalms, I can always find myself being restored by God's words again and again. Those words give a soothing feeling. I cannot tell exactly why but that's what I really feel.

I remember that my friend, Susan told me once why she likes to read Psalms so much. She said that she reads Psalms every time when she feels down or sad or when she needs a moment of refreshment for her life. I actually agree with her a lot and I find myself feeling the same way while reading Psalms.

I am now reading up to Psalm 23 and keep continuing until I finish this book. There is a snippet of words from this psalm, which is:

"The Lord is my shepard, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiete waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake." (Psalm 23:2-3)

These words illustrates a kind of life that I am always loning for. I am not really ambious and trying to get anything possible or following up the hot-button issues or catching up with the hot trendy stuff in my life but I want to enjoy peace and quiet, to rest and revive in the midst of our harried life. Something people think I am boring because I don't really like to go out so much or I am somehow no fun to be with but I always tell them that I like to be at home because I want to enjoy the moment that I can rest and revive.

The Pinnacle of Our Experience...

I don't really know how to name this title of this post, but I still gave a general title. I wanna share something with you over here. This is a piece of study note from my Bible and I would like to share it with all of you. I guess that passage is beautiful and worthy reading. Here it is:

(from Luci Swindoll, You Bring the Confett, God Brings the Joy, pp. 142-143)

"The essence of beauty is transient, short-lived, fleeting. It is in the eye of the beholder, relative to the correlation of things at hand and our mood at any given moment. It is fairer and better than what we see or hear. It is born out of the commonplace, household life, personal relations, beating heart, meeting eyes, poverty, necesssity, hope and fear. And finally, the real celebrating of its presence comes as we recall it in our memory, replaying the old records of our thoughts, gazing at the gallery of pictures with the eye of remembrance, and singing the song that is going on within us, a song to which we listen. These moments are the pinnacle of our experience, lifting us out of the dreary circumstances and giving us pleasure and delight until we fall back and again become our ordinary selves. They must be interwoven into our daily existence in order to make life endurable and sweet."

I don't know what you will feel after reading this, but it touches my heart.

Inspirational Bible Verses

There are lots of verses that used to inspire me when I read them, but I had stopped reading my Bible for a while, until recently I dug out my dusty Bible. (Actually, I really had to dig out my Bible because it was under piles of books and my stuff that I moved back from the States.)

Here are the verses that inspire me again as I read them again:

Famous verses from 1 Corinthians, 13:4-7
"Love is patien, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perserveres."

Reflection from these verses:
I love these verses so much because they really helps me to look into what I am doing everyday. I always think it is so great to love other people and treat them in the unselfish love, genuine ways. But I sometimes find myself jealous of something that I cannot get or even get angry with lots of things. If love is patient, kind and everything above, why should I feel mad about?


Ephesians 4: 29-32
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

Reflection from these verses:
Recently, I found myself involving in some talks of something, I should say most of them are slanders and unproofed stuff, gossip mostly. I should not really do that though. What was I thinking? I think I should say something to build people up not to tear them into pieces. I could have torn them apart by words, but I don't want to. That's not how and what I am.

May these verses be inspirational to some of you.....

My Old Friends

I have been trying so hard to post this picture on my weblog. These are my friends: (from the left to the right) Rita, Hung, Susan, and I-Jen.

We have been friends for a couple of years. They are my best companies when I lived in the United States, and even now we are still trying to keep in touch with each other.

Rita, who just passed away two weeks ago, was a lovely girl and a sweet heart. She always worked hard to make sure that everything would go all right, even perfect. I miss her so much!

Hung is working on her PhD in psychology in University of Missouri, Columbia. I have not seen her for almost three years until this time when we went to our friend's funeral. Kind of weird change to see her again, but I do miss her a lot. She is very positive and open-minded and always so energitic to do everything.

Susan, a good friend and listener, who is always there for me. For a while, I was very sad because she moved to Seattle and she went through a period of depression but she was so brave and she made it. She did not give up at all. She is currently engaged to her fiance, Travis, and she is waiting for her fiancee visa to go through and she will be moving to Seattle and get married after the Chinese New Year. (Dear Susan, you will be missed!)

I-Jen is also a very positive and energic girl. She is older than me but you could not really tell her age. She is also a very good listener and she is moving back to Taiwan by the end of this month from New York. I hope to see her again soon once she moves back. I miss her so much, too.

New Year Resolutions

It's close to the end of the year. I have some resolutions for this upcoming new year, 2007. Let's see what I have in mind for my New Year resolutions:

1. Practice and Improve My English:
This may sound weird to some of you. Since I moved back to Taiwan, I feel like that my English proficiency is dropping and I start to say more 'clipped English." Luckily, I am listening to ESL Podcast quite often and it helps my English to stay the same level or improve a little bit. Fortunately, my English is not dropping too fast. I have some American friends to hang out with, hopefully, they can help me pick up more.

2. Spend More Time with Friends:
Not just spending more friends hanging out with old friends but also I want to make some new friends. Ever since I came to this new work place, I don't really know much about the people I work with, except the people who share the same office with me.

3. Spend More Time Reading Bible and Other Books:
I used to read a lot (mostly my textbooks from the school) but I want myself this year to take more time reading something else, namely, magazines, Bible, books, journal articles related to my discipline of the study, etc. (I have spent so much time reading my Bible and my favorite lingustics books.)

4. Try to Be More Open-Minded and Positive:
I guess I am positive sometimes, but not that positive. I had been depressed for a while for various reasons (family issues, relationship, friendship, school, looking for a job, yadah..yadah..) but I am looking forward to a new life, a brand new life this coming year. Hopefully, things will change a bit for me.

5. Travel Somewhere:
I always love travelling. I am thinking this coming year, I can take my family to somewhere overseas. My sister has been saying if I can take my niece to Hong Kong Disney Land, I am thinking about it. Probably I may take her to go there this summer. (I also want to go to Austrilia or New Zealand as well, probably mainland China, U.S., Canada, Europe ....)

I don't know there are any more New Year Resolutions I have, but those fives are what I have in mind so far. I am sticking to them everyday and making them workable on the daily basis.

My Old Friends.......

It's always good to see or meet your old friends, especially the ones who share a part of your life with. Today, I finally got some chances to meet my old friends, the ones who I knew when I first moved to United States for my study. I don't even remember how long we have not seen each other, probably three years or 4 years. Those friends are very important to me because they had helped go through a difficult period when I was so homesick.

Today we all met at my friend's funeral. I have a mixed feeling of this because I don't really want to meet my old friends in this kind of occasion. One of our friends passed away last week because of her cancer. We were all very sad to attend her funeral because we cannot believe that everything could happen so fast and we are not even ready to accept this fact now. We cannot really believe our friend who was 27 years old and who just started her career and life in her life path now. She just passed away without having any chances to say 'goodbye' to her beloved family and friends.

Attending my old friend's funeral makes me realize that it's never too late to do something you want and it's always important to treat yourself good. My friend passed away not only because she got cancer but also because she pretty much worked herself to death. She always wanted to be perfect (and so am I), but I know there is nothing perfect but there is something good enough than perfect.

I also realized how important it is to treasure your life and what you have. I always feel like if I can have something more, there is great because I want something more. But the more I want, the more I find myself unsatisfied and greedy. Is there anything more I really want for my life? I guess if I could make a list, I would say I wanted everything I want. Be realistic, there is no way to have all you want, but you can only choose what you really want.

I also realized that there is nothing important than the people who care and love you. I used to be thinking that there was nobody who really cared and loved me, except those who wanted to take advantage of me. (in fact, I was taken advantage of so many times because I never really said no to other people. I always wanted to please everyone.) However, throught this experience of going to that friend's funeral, I find that there are lots of people who love me and care about me, but I cannot see that when I am living in my own little world. Thank you all who love and care me and who are there for me all the time.

My friends and I were not sad to meet each other again in this kind of occasion but we are happy that we can see each other again and this experience makes us treasure more about our lives and friends and everyone who loves and cares about us.

I wanna say to the friend who passed away:
"You will be missed, Rita because you had been our sunshine who always brought us laughters and joy. You are not gone but you are just traveling in another place."

May us treasure more about our lives and everything we have already.

Who am I?

Who am I? I grew up in Taiwan but I had lived in the United States for a while and it's kind of good and bad for me to get back to Taiwan again. I have a mix bag of feelings--feeling sort of weird because I have a little hard time blending in with everyone probably because I don't know so much about what's on in Taiwan now; I also feel happy coming back to Taiwan again because I miss the food and my family so much. Yet, I have mixed feeling, too. I cannot really eat so much food that I used to eat a lot now becasue I cannot really stand the smell of some food. That's strange!!

Well, I will keep you updated later.